It would mean everything

They don't make telly like this anymore, thank goodness. I still say that Britains Got Talent should hire Russell G, as he is known in the hood, as a judge. Now Simon is planning to quit wouldn't he make a good addition, maybe as an astrolgical counsellor to wannabe celebs? You are Aries you can't dance, you are Taurus you can't sing. It would add something a bit different to a tired format.

Back to the show: I thought Olivia Archbold was a really good singer, she obviously has a good chance of winning, so why do we need to know about her deceased relative? In this mornings red tops we are greeted to the following insights:

Olivia Archbold "chose her spine-tingling audition song after singing it at her Nanny Elsie’s funeral" Nan used to give her angel charms and the last one Olivia received she was wearing last night. We have heard this sort of thing many times before. Verity Treacle would have loved it!

We also learn that mum is a "hero" "She is always there for me, she teaches me to be hard- working and committed" As an after thought to all this sentiment and puritan ethic we are given some more earthly data:

She attends a dance academy and has hopes of becoming "a multi- million pound recording ­artist"

This looks to me like formula human interest PR, the kind of thing that the show has become notorious for. I suppose it is necessary to get the public interested in the act and the hacks know excatly what their readership want. I really hope she doesn't say "This is for you ..." or maybe I'm just too cynical. Good luck to her! But really this is Britains Got Talent, not American Mush Idol, or maybe Briatin loves to wallow in sentiment like our cousins across the pond.

Talking of formulas the shows favourite scripted phrase has made two appearances so far (to my knowledge)

"It would mean everything" is the classic Joe McElderry refrain and is being used by the Britain's Got talent hopefuls. I intend to keep a count from now on and see how many times I can spot this absurd expression.

In less savoury news, failed duo Different Dreams "would love to have a foursome with Ant and Dec"... "but they only want to go as far as holding hands – for now" Somehow I think that is as likely as the Mahmoud Ahmadinejad getting it on with Paris Hilton, or Russell Grant appearing in an ad for Weight Watchers. Possible, but it won't happen.