Saturday, June 12, 2010

Paul Burling in Panto!

Panto season may be a long way off but Paul Burling (Britain's Got Talent mimic act) is planning ahead. Paul has just agreed to appear in the production of Jack and Beanstalk in Chatham, Kent. Because of his exposure on telly Paul is top of the bill this year. Paul has appeared in Chatham panto land five times before in productions of Dick Whittington, Peter Pan, Snow White and the very challenging Aladin.

“I absolutely love doing panto" says Paul.

That's good news then....

Friday, June 11, 2010

Paul Daniels in Hong Kong



Paul Daniels, bald 80s magic man, has been in Hong Kong wandering around the streets and stuff after his show didn't happen. Unfortunately he didn't get to perform, he laments:

I was supposed to do a public show and a lecture and a Master class, all magic of course, but the business side of it, all set up with a promoter, fell through. That's show biz


That's show biz? yes of course it is...what a dreadful pity. I wonder what happened? Perhaps the good people of Hong Kong did not realise who the celebrated panto star was? Had these folks not heard of Wizbit? Their loss I am sure. This didn't stop Paul offering the good people of Honkers his wisdom via his website instead:

this Far Eastern gem has now become part of the Global Greed Economy. Prices were low here, and yet obviously the sellers were making a profit. Bearing that in mind you are forced to believe that other countries who charged more were making bigger profits so I guess landlords thought they could charge more rent.


Yes, that must be it, nothing to do with the fact that the city is packed into a small island with a booming population. Those naughty greedy landlords! Such a shame that Hong Kong is no longer a cheap destination providing bargains for beady eyed wand handlers, isn't it? Paul was pleased to see that there was still bamboo scaffolding though, how nice.

Paul has further immersed himself into the delights of HK via the celebrated gastronomy:

We had a lunch on the balcony of the Pawn bar and restaurant.... (you can get bangers and mash, I had Heinz beans on toast)


Paul has also regrets the passing of other cultural sights:

I missed ogling the girls in their cheung sams. Debbie, knowing that my first girl friend was Chinese, kept a close watch on me, especially when when it became obvious that the girls were looking at me...


Looking at him.. and thinking what I wonder? The remark about his first "girl friend" being Chinese is an interesting one....but we won't go into that I think.

Source : http://thelifeandtimesofpauldaniels.blogspot.com/

Big Brother 2010



The last gasp from a long dead format, Big Brother has arrived with a line up of non-notable horrors. As usual the show is also a platform for F list celeb trainees. Benjamin Duncan is a publicity seeker who has done stunts on other terrible shows before. Keeley Katchadourian, aka Shabby, lesbian squatter with a very high opinion of herself, says she once appeared in Black Beauty etc., According to one poster in The Sun:

Shabby is my cousin, she has a great personality, and has had an exciting life due to her acting caree and life in london.She did lose the part in parent trap to lindsey lohan, and has been in casulty, a bit part in eastenders when she was very young. Shabby has also been in a westend show.
Another eagle eyed poster at The Mirror reports:

Graham is a channel 4 regular, seen him on Kilroy, A Place in the Sun, Embarrassing Ilnesses and Four Weddings along with his wife. Allister was on Ibiza Uncovered
Paul Connolly in The Daily Mail comments "the show attracted the wannabe generation and the producers jettisoned the interesting for the tawdry and plain repulsive" I agree wth that!

Anyway, here is an example of Ben's cringe making "talent" I hope that poor old Leslie got paid for this! Ben Duncan favours small sofas, impertinence, and creating an unsettling atmosphere for guests.



"Posh Ben"seems to have styled himself as a cross between Peter York's caricature Sloane Ranger and Oscar Wilde. Shabby is an archetypal lesbian bohemian with an eye for adoring totty and for the main chance. Role playing by those after publicity and a load of other dregs seeking attention. It should be noted that the very last dying gasp of Big Brother 2010 will include past stars, Barrymore perhaps?

Talking of desperate trainee celebs Paul Burling, naff mimic, is in the lower levels of news chatter. "Sources" claim he may be given a TV show on ITV2. Oh really? "Insiders have suggested that the pilot show could even feature a cameo from Harry Hill"

I wonder who "Sources" and "Insiders" are? Interestingly Paul Burling has claimed to have support from Harry Hill as well as numerous other celebs whose charchters he mimics:


(i) He told This is Bristol ""I was a bit disappointed not to make it into the final three but I've had lots of people say they thought I would have been there. The feedback I've had has been fantastic though. Harry Hill phoned me from Spain, where he was on holiday with his family, to say congratulations.

"At first I thought it was one of my mates mucking about. He was really supportive and said he had been watching me. He said his family had been watching and laughing too.


(ii)"An ITV boss came up to me and said, 'Harry sends his regards from Spain" according to stv.tv

Strange that. Maybe he will get a show on ITV2 and Harry Hill will squander his comic capital on a mimic desperado! Maybe Russell Grant will appear in "I'm a Celebrity" Possible, but like bacon sandwiches at a bar mitzvah...unlikely.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Britains Got Talent 2010 Finalists



Kieran Gaffney - plucky drummer lad who won't give up, limited appeal despite being a fighter.

Spelbound - astonishing talent and it doesn't matter if they win or not (their career path is already there)

Tobias Mead - hugely talented and likeable dancer, impressive change of style in the semi finals. BRITAIN HAS TALENT!

Tina and Chandi - Barbara Woodhouse meets Lassie at the dog pound, not a dry eye in the house. Novelty.

Liam McNally - confident and relaxed manner, amazing voice, down to earth and likeable.

Connected - silly boy band act, money spinner for the promoters, hackneyed and dreadful.

Paul Burling - Hi-de-Hi meets embarrassing drunken uncle, total waste of time. Laugh and you take comedy back to the dark ages of Jimmy Tarbuck and Jim Davidson.

Christopher Stone - desperate bald man from Harrogate trying, and failing, to pull a SuBo. Good singer, last chance saloon complex, staged and unsettling personality.

Janey Cutler - doughty pensioner that makes you realise why we won the war, great voice, unassuming and charming character. A star! BRITAIN HAS TALENT!

Twist and Pulse - edgy duo, peculiar and very brand worthy. The future? Let's hope so.

Father and Son


Janey Cutler and Twist and Pulse, great! Twist and Pulse are an unusual pair and have an edgy kind of friction as well as being unique and very talented.

Talking of weird pairings, tonight was hilarious due to the involvement of the uber naff "Father and Son" Like a cross between Liberace and a long forgotten 1970s sitcom they attained a kind of kitsch rarely seen. They could out kitsch Eddy Wally! What was even more shocking was Father getting miffed about the criticism and blaming the producers. I did not care either for that Brazilian lot with the elephant, their overly enthusiastic lead claiming that they might open the World Cup or the Olympics, ha! You can see this kind of tacky cabaret extravaganza in Asian theme parks.

I cannot make my mind up as to whether I favour Twist and Pulse or Tobias Mead. OK, so it is easy - Janey Cutler should win. The cheerful old trooper giggling like everyone's archetypal granny after too much sherry at Christmas - Britain should give her the crown really.

Vote For Janey Cutler tomorrow!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Paul Burling



Rather like a chicken tikka lasagne from Iceland some things are best left unmentioned. Last nights show surprised me though. I actually nearly enjoyed The Arrangement! I am not sure why they are not in the final as they have come on in leaps and bounds and the audience liked them. The answer is the best not mentioned, Paul Burling; another toe curling performance from this awful oaf. I suppose ITV are pleased as it reinforces the Harry Hill brand, but otherwise it was what it always was, a naff mimic act. Nice to see that Christopher Stone has been giving some business to M&S and has ditched that peculiar shoulder zip jumper, yes he can sing. According to the Mirror he lives alone with two cocker spaniels and is celibate, too busy to find a girl. Pity about The Arrangement, they deserved it more than Burling.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Connected & Neil Fullard

Tina and Chandi rightly triumphed in a lacksluster evening. Another amazing performance from the feisty pair. Connected? What a waste of time! Simon Cowell was definitley thinking with his wallet when he put that hackneyed tripe through. Of course it should have been Neil Fullard! Connected would not have stood a chance on the X Factor so why are they going through? Given the other rubbish on tonight I can see why they got votes, but were they talented? No. Simon said their performance was like "chalk and cheese" the cheese being a piece of stale cheddar that lurks in the back of a fridge. Old style rubbish in a show that is breaking with the past - a pity.

Good luck to Neil Fullard! I hope he does well from his appearance, maybe this absurd decision will be the making of him.

Britain Has Talent - Tobias Mead




A great start! Spelbound and Tobias Mead are both stunning talents. I really think that the TV screen did not give these excellent acts justice. Tobias Mead really did own the stage with yet another original and brilliant act!!

Kevin Cruise put on a good show, and I hope he gets plenty of work. "Chopping wood, chopping wood, chopping as we go" the very best of the real eccentrics! A great show and the right outcome!

Jono Miles of the awful cacophony group The Arrangement has been claiming " we are a bit posh" - frankly I do not think they are. Posh folks do not usually wear ready made multi colour bow ties (they tie their own and they are black) nor pointed pixie Italian shoes with a dinner jacket. ""We can provide weird stepping stones between genres" - what a load of bollocks that is.

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About Me

Nestov Ratz is a world renowned campanologist originally from the Romanisch speaking region of Switzerland. Nestov has been acclaimed by high society for his zither playing. In 2007 Nestov wowed holidaymakers in Benidorm with his act, Nestov & Mr Strawberry, an act comprising a zither and a singing parrot.